Lately I have shared with a few people that I have been in a heightened state of anxiety. Not only is my youngest child about to go off (back to the US) to college, but the states is off the chain right now with mass shootings. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I am scared.
As a Christian I know that I am to, "be anxious for nothing, cast all my cares on Him for He cares for me, let not my heart be troubled", and so on. But my reality for the past 6 years is, my now 18 year old son has lived in the bubble of Doha, Qatar. Free from racist police officers, racist spoiled white teenagers/men who fear his brilliance, strength, intelligence and the very skin on his body.
I am scared that he will be on a campus in a state that is predominantly Caucasian with no family. I know that the school he chose is the right fit for him. I know that he will achieve great things while he is there. And I know that he will continue to grow into the person he is destined to become. This was his choice. He feels good about it. So do I.
His father and I have had "the talk" that black parents have to have with their children. He knows full well that he can't say and do the same things some of his counterparts can do. He has to be aware at all times of where he is. How he comes across. How to react when approached by police. I have every confidence in his ability to be respectful of authority. My concern comes from how will they respond to him. He's a big guy for 18. Will he be perceived as a threat?
I can't lie, I am struggling. America isn't a great place to be right now. Especially if you're Black.
So, this is where and when my faith kicks in.
I have to have faith that God will be a fence around him.
I have to have faith that God is in control.
I have to have faith that every step he takes will be ordered and protected.
I have to have faith that he uses his commonsense at all times.
I have to have faith that he will make wise choices.
I have to have faith that he will always remember to pray.
I have to have faith that he knows he is God's son.
I have to have faith that God will never leave him, nor forsake him.
The next few months will be bittersweet. Trying to store up in my memory all that makes my son, my son. Hugs and kisses when I can get them. But mostly just spending time with him. Cherishing the moments. He is ready to fly and I'm thankful that he is. It means that we have prepared him well. So I will do my best to not worry. But instead believe that God's best is yet to come and G3 will be just fine.
So proud of you for sharing this! God has our guy!
ReplyDeleteThis is real talk. Hate that this has too long been a reality for parents of Black children (sons in particular) in the United States. And the U.S. epidemic of mass shootings compounds the issue for all parents. Big sigh...
ReplyDeleteYet "we've come this far by faith leaning on the Lord. Trusting in His holy Word. He never failed me yet. Oh can't turn around. We've come this far by faith!"
That's where we choose to focus our thoughts to overcome the thoughts of fear. And we have a "great cloud of witnesses" who prayed & paved the way for us & G3💯🙏🏾
This is a fear that I share as well . It is not a fear that is undeniable. The color of their skin makes them a target regardless of how well they are educated , what thier social or economic status is . I have been intentional with my son about making him aware of this inevitable danger . It makes me what you never let him grow up, but that’s not reality .
ReplyDeleteRomans 8:38-39
ReplyDeleteNew International Version
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future,(A) nor any powers,(B) 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God(C) that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.(D)
I felt all these words and it brought tears to my eyes 😢
ReplyDeleteIt is a sad reality but as you said, I’m going to trust in God for you. You are an amazing woman with a heart of gold. Your blessings will flow unto your truly amazing son.
May he walk in strength and achieve all he deserves. God bless you all! I am here praying for all of you. Love you!
Hard realities to have to face. May G3 be protected and guided in safety at all times. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteWow. Faith is a muscle. Like other muscles it must be exercised to be both strong and effective. Hopefully most parents throughout the childhood of their children they have done so and in turn taught their children to do so as well. So that in times of trouble their muscle memory kicks in and they know how to seek the Lord. Matter of fact call him before you call me, because I’m calling him right after. This was good stuff. -Chris P
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job with expressing yourself, and I feel the uneasiness that we have to deal with as black parents when it comes to our black children here in the United States it is sad but true. I have a son so trust me I understand. You guys have taught him a lot and I know he will be consciously aware of the energy around him and how to handle it, love you guys TD
ReplyDeleteThank you for your transparency Sis!! Beautiful!
ReplyDelete