Journey to 20: It all began in 1984

 As we approach a significant milestone in any marriage but especially ours; because we both have been married previously, I am increasingly reflective on just what exactly has kept us grounded and secure in not only ourselves but as a couple to help us reach 20 years of marriage. So, journey with me why don't ya!

                                 There is no fear in love. Perfect love cast out all fear

                                                                 1 John 4:18

Scene: July 1984, Camp Baber, Cassopolis, Michigan. This is where it all began. Years later my best friend since childhood would say, "the AME Church will hook you up every time." And I'm here to say that has been a very true statement. Let's just say you had to be there. A time where there were no mobile phones, TikTok, or anything social media related...good thing too! But also there was still a very serious reverence and respect for our surroundings and that we were there to meet new people, have fun but ultimate to gain a deeper more personal relationship with Christ. It was in this setting that I asked Jesus to be Lord and Savior of my life. I think I met the curly-haired guy on day one. Hands clasped as he introduced himself..."my name is GranVille Giovanni de la Caravaggio Lewis Caldwell Jr."  Corny? Probably, but I fell for it!😁 He was then and has remained the perfect gentleman. Piggy back rides to and from Tasty Twirl for ice cream. Hand holding. Note passing. And man were there lots of tears when it was time to leave. But, there were promises to write to each other as soon as we could. And we did for a long time.

It is not lost on us that we were brought together through the AME church but in totality it was God. He had his hand in it. 

One thing I have always said is in a marriage you have to choose EVERY. DAY. to show up for your spouse. There are no days off. Choose to love. Choose to be loving. Choose to be kind. Choose to put your stuff to side if your spouse is needed a lil extra. Choose each other. It requires both parties to make the conscious decision to make up in their minds that no matter what, at the end of each day I got this persons back. Period. And coming from marriages that did not work, Ville and I were both in agreement that there is no "out" this time. We're riding this out.

You gotta make sure you have the right people around you. Moving to Charlotte was one of the best decisions we made. Not only were we forced to rely and depend on one another, we were blessed to land in a church with a married couples ministry. I wasn't raised like Ville in a two parent household so it was important for me to be exposed and mentored by other couples that were tryna get it right. Love one another. Raise a family. And serve together. The Village we now have from the relationships we built over time have been a great source of influence and strength to me. Along with a few outside of church as well. We see all y'all. Thank you for your assistance in this thing. In one way or another you helped us make it to 20 years. We love you.💛

You gotta LIVE OUT YOUR VOWS. Yes, you recite them at the wedding ceremony. But ultimately they are action words. And just like I said you have to choose, you gotta walk out what you said before God and the people who were in attendance the day you said I do. In sickness and health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, etc.. if your heart is right and your intentions are pure then in my opinion to live these words is made easier. Don't get me wrong. I am in no way saying it is easy, but it's possible if you mean it when you said it. Some days you aren't going to like each other. You will get on each others nerves for sure. But if you think back and remember why, you can pick up the socks for the 1,654th time and keep it movin..

                                               

                                                         How can two walk unless they agree.

                                                                             Amos 3:3 

We moved to North Carolina after only being married just shy of our 2 yr anniversary, BEST DECISION EVER! We were forced to do marriage on our terms. Without the outside distractions and opinions of family, friends and nay-sayers who meant us no good. There we formed a close nit circle who held us accountable and loved on us. But mostly it was just us. I couldn't run and he couldn't hide. We were building a foundation on God first, each other, our children, our extended family. We took that "leave and cleave" literally and figuratively. We hardly fought but we did/do have disagreements.  We were both committed to our roles and allowing each other the grace to be the husband and the wife. No one on the outside could come back to the other and say something the other said about the other because we didn't play that. We handled our business between us. NO OUTSIDERS!

When I found out I was pregnant, I also found out my program at my job was ending. Ville proposed that I become a "domestic goddess." Giving me the opportunity to not only be able to breast feed G3 full time but to also be available to attend and get Mekai to and from all extra-curricular activities. However, It would definitely be a SACRIFICE he was willing to shoulder being the only income to a family of 4 on a teachers salary. We were met with many eye-brow raises, questions and some verbal speculation for many years. Did we struggle at times? Yes. But we held onto each other and we prayed a whole lot. And we made it. We made the decisions that best fit OUR FAMILY. People don't know the half. That's a story for another blog post though.

 Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin Zechariah 4:10

From our official first date, to our wedding, to anniversaries 17 and 18 pictured above, I can honestly say that we've put in the work necessary to be steppin into year 20 with our heads held high and our hearts and minds clear.  Neither of us could have thought in a million years we'd be where we are today. Living apart. In two different parts of the world. Trying to support an ill parent and a son deciding on his next steps. As well as keep our flame burning. We thought we'd be living our best expat lives traveling the world as empty-nesters tryna figure out what country we will retire to. But, it goes back to SACRIFICE and the art of the PIVOT. Life comes at you fast!  We never say never because we know at the end of the day God has the final say. We can plan all we want but it is His ultimate will that prevails and that is always what's best. Like Ville always says, "He always gives us better than what we had. He only adds on." 

And that is the absolute truth. 

So, Happy 20th Anniversary to the guy who woo'ed me back at Camp Baber in 1984. 

Sent me letters every week or so for years.

Waltzed back into my life in 2002.

Made me his bride and gave me a son in 2004.

Moved me outta the state of Michigan in 2006.

Moved me outta the country in 2016.

Taken me to Dubai, Oman, Sri Lanka, Barcelona, Vatican City, Rome, Capetown, Johannesburg, Casablanca, Marrakesh....and who knows where else we'll go.

You are the absolute love of my life. I am thankful to get to make room for, share space with, and dwell on earth with you as your wife. I am so blessed to be your wife. You take such good care of me. You love me the way I need to be loved. You hear me. You give me room to be who God created me to be.  Thanks for looking for me after 20 years. Thanks for leaving that voice-mail. Thanks for asking me to be your wife. This year also marks 40 years of knowing you! Talk about a milestone year for us! Sheesh. Here's to more life, more love, more of God's best for you and I as husband and wife. There is no place I'd rather be. The best is yet to come! 

I Love You,

Elise

💛

August 31

 Hey Hey!!✌🏾👋🏾

I know, I know. It's been A WHILE. 

Life has been LIFING over here. But I woke feeling the need to write so here it is.

It's August 31!!! For a significant amount of our time in Charlotte the last day in August was a day of celebration and relief for the Caldwell/Sperling household. You see, as a state employee Ville was paid once a month. And as a teacher that meant August-May. So, June and July were pretty dry. Needless to say we were and are thankful that regardless of what we faced all those summers God made a way for us. He's faithful. And we're grateful. 

So, I woke up thinking about those struggle years today. Remembering the sacrifices made by my husband in his efforts to provide for his family. The odd jobs. The "keeping it together" so the kids wouldn't know just how bad it was. Those months of literally living paycheck to paycheck. It ain't for the weak.

So as I'm scrolling through my FB memories I see a post that let's me know that God has and will continue to be our provider. That He knows best. That He makes everything work together. And that He loves my family. 

(Post from August 31, 2010...is bout to go lay it down....FULL day today.  Thanking God for being my provider.  Over the last 3 months we have had everything we NEEDED......and even some things we WANTED!  He is such an awesome God and I thank Him for being faithful ALL the time.....even when I didn't have faith enough to belief!!  Lord...help my unbelief.  You are ALWAYS on TIME.

So I guess this is an appreciation post. To show and say thank you. And also to not be ashamed of where we come from. That time in our life coulda broken us. Instead it strengthen us and brought us closer. I'll never be ashamed of where we started. Which is why I won't downplay where He has brought us to now. Living abroad has been one of His greatest blessings!!!

So yeah. That's it. That's the blog post people. Remember where you were 13 years ago and be grateful for the journey thus far. 

Until next time.

Have a great day. Know that I love ya. Mean it. 

Moments of Transparency

 Lately I have shared with a few people that  I have been in a heightened state of anxiety. Not only is my youngest child about to go off (back to the US) to college, but the states is off the chain right now with mass shootings.  If I'm being completely honest with myself, I am scared. 

As a Christian I know that I am to, "be anxious for nothing, cast all my cares on Him for He cares for me, let not my heart be troubled", and so on. But my reality for the past 6 years is, my now 18 year old son has lived in the bubble of Doha, Qatar. Free from racist police officers, racist spoiled white teenagers/men who fear his brilliance, strength, intelligence and the very skin on his body.

I am scared that he will be on a campus in a state that is predominantly Caucasian with no family. I know that the school he chose is the right fit for him. I know that he will achieve great things while he is there. And I know that he will continue to grow into the person he is destined to become. This was his choice. He feels good about it. So do I.

His father and I have had "the talk" that black parents have to have with their children. He knows full well that he can't say and do the same things some of his counterparts can do. He has to be aware at all times of where he is. How he comes across. How to react when approached by police. I have every confidence in his ability to be respectful of authority. My concern comes from how will they respond to him. He's a big guy for 18. Will he be perceived as a threat? 

I can't lie, I am struggling. America isn't a great place to be right now. Especially if you're Black. 

So, this is where and when my faith kicks in. 

I have to have faith that God will be a fence around him.

I have to have faith that God is in control.

I have to have faith that every step he takes will be ordered and protected.

I have to have faith that he uses his commonsense at all times.

I have to have faith that he will make wise choices.

I have to have faith that he will always remember to pray.

I have to have faith that he knows he is God's son.

I have to have faith that God will never leave him, nor forsake him.

The next few months will be bittersweet. Trying to store up in my memory all that makes my son, my son. Hugs and kisses when I can get them. But mostly just spending time with him. Cherishing the moments. He is ready to fly and I'm thankful that he is. It means that we have prepared him well. So I will do my best to not worry. But instead believe that God's best is yet to come and G3 will be just fine.

Redefining Me

Looking back at my Facebook memories from years past August 25 was the first day of school for a number of years in Charlotte, NC.

As G3 left for school on Sunday morning (Middle East work week is Sun-Thurs) I realized that not only is this his final year of secondary school....this is my final year of being a stay at home mom. After  13 years....my job is coming to an end.

When we found out I was pregnant Ville and I discussed how we would raise this new addition and it was decided that I would be home with him. We didn't put a time frame on it. We just knew that from the day we came home from the hospital I would be there. Period. What helped that decision was the fact that I WANTED to be able to be home and not worry about rushing back to work AND the program I was working at my place of employment was ending.....WIN WIN!!! 

Once G3 arrived in April of 2004 I stepped into a new role. Not only was I able to breast feed, recover and bond with him I was able to be there when Mekai needed me too!! I wanted so much to take my time after having her but that was not a luxury at that time. Different husband, different situation... Nevertheless, I think that my presence was needed and appreciated by her as well. I was able to make it to ALL of her school activities and doctors appointments without having to take time off work. To say that those times through the years were special with both children, would be an understatement. 

What I found out after both kiddos were in school was that some were not to fond of me not going back to work. Although, I did work here and there for a while. I didn't go back full-time to any specific 9-5. And some didn't like it. I can count the times I was asked "so when you going back to work, you looking for a job?" Ville and I TOGETHER made our house work on a one income teacher salary. Was it tough? Hell Yeah! Especially the summers. But that is what we call sacrifice. Our home was happy. Our children were happy. We supported each other and God held us down. We look back on those years and can breathe easy NOW. We know where we've come from which is why our present is nothing but a blessing. People didn't/STILL DON'T understand it. And that's fine. They don't have to. This is our life to live and so far so good. Their opinions didn't matter then and the sure don't matter now.

So what is it that I will do next? What does the future hold for me? Besides enjoying being empty-nesters next year? I have some ideas. Once G3 is settled into his first semester of college, wherever it may be, I will be embarking on my own adventure. A 'redefining of Tam' if you will. 

So even though these next months will be bittersweet, I'm excited. Excited for GranVille and excited for me too. I plan to make the most of the time I have left with him being here and somewhat needing me. He's ready to soar and I'll be there to watch him take flight. All while getting ready to reacquaint myself with my own wings...

Everyday is a gift!

News of the terribly tragic and sudden death of Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna, along with the 7 other people on the helicopter yesterday has affected me more than I thought it would. 

I've never been a "Kobe fan." Honestly, I really didn't like him very much as a player. I thought he was extremely arrogant and had a slick mouth. I tend to be more old school than new school. Magic, Isaiah, Kemp, Drexler, Mourning and etc. You get what I'm saying. However, once Kobe retired I gave him a second look and saw all of his off the court contributions and I began to see him in a different light.  

I have no idea what Vanessa and her family are feeling or going through. I can only imagine the uncertainty, loneliness, sadness, and pain she must be experiencing. My heart and prayers go out to them during this difficult and emotional time. Not only did she lose her husband...she lost a child. I pray that they felt no pain, but that they both were holding each other and it happened quickly. And once they opened their eyes, they beheld our Lord and Savior welcoming them into the Kingdom. 

I look at the videos and photos of him and GiGi and get a lump in my throat. I never had and never will know the unconditional love of a father for his daughter. You can feel the genuineness just looking at them. There is something magical about the love of a father and his daughter. I am so glad that my own daughter not only has the heart of her biological father, but she gets the added love of her bonus dad. And I know without a doubt that, they ABSOLUTELY ADORE her and would walk through fire for her. Even though my earthly father chose not to be a part of my life growing up I had 3 very special "father figures" who took me and loved me( at different stages of my life) as if I was their own. And I am thankful. 

So as the days pass I will keep these families in my prayers. Once the daily media coverage ends and all the family and friends have gone back to their homes, that is when the healing really begins. The work to start a new normal begins. The hard part begins. Love on your children, spouses, family. Know that I love ya. Mean it.



"Teach us how short our lives really are so that we may be wise." Psalm 90:12 NCV

Gratitude

As I sit looking at the lights I put up yesterday I am filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude.  So much so that tears fill my eyes. It's been such a long time since I have taken the time to sit and add to my blog. Not that I haven't wanted to but, I guess the time hasn't been right. 🤷🏾‍♀️ SO much has happened in my life since the last time I really don't know where to begin. So instead of giving a recap of the past several months, I will just focus on the title of this entry. GRATITUDE. 

So many take each day for granted.  Choosing to focus attention on all that "is wrong" in their minds.  Totally ignoring the gift that is everyday. Sure, we may be ill, mourning the loss of a loved one, out of work, bill's due. I get it. However, EVERYDAY we awake up and breathe on our own, eat, walk, and have clothes on our backs is something to be thankful for.  God never promised this life would be easy. But He did promise that He would never leave us, nor forsake us. He is our promise. He is enough. Really. He promises to walk with us everyday, every step of the way. No matter how hard it may be, what it looks like. He is there. And if you ask me, that's good news. 

So, as we head into the holiday season I challenge you to take some time each day to be grateful. I'm sure you can find ONE THING every day to say thank you for. I will take a minute to list just a few of my "Gratitude Nuggets" I hope you find time to do the same. Know that I love ya. Mean it. 

I am grateful for life

I am grateful for my health

I am grateful for my husband and children

I am grateful for my family and friends

I am grateful that I have a home

I am grateful that I have food to eat

I am grateful that I know I am loved

I am grateful that I am free to worship God freely

I am grateful for the gift of music

I am grateful for the air I breathe

I am grateful that I am in my right mind

I am grateful that my family has the opportunity to live abroad 

I am grateful that my son and daughter have travelled abroad 

I am grateful that I am becoming who I was created to be

I am grateful for my marriage 

I am grateful for the not so easy times because they mold me into the woman I am learning to love each day.

That's enough for now. It's a small beginning.

 Now, you get started on your list! ❤

March 25, 2007 : in my Rearview

So as I was waking up this beautiful Palm Sunday morning, " Oh magnify the Lord, for He is worthy to be praised. Oh magnify the Lord, for He is worthy to be praised! Hosanna, blessed be the rock. Blessed be the rock of my salvation" was ringing in my spirit. Not JUST because today is the start of Holy week but also because I am thankful to be alive today! On this day 11 years ago I was in the emergency room hooked up to and EKG machine, experiencing tremendous pressure on my chest, given a Nitroglycerin tablet being told I was having a heart attack. It came out of nowhere. The only indications I had was SEVERE fatigue earlier in the week. Then shortness is breath and chest pressure while walking in the park and at the grocery store. That's it. They were unable to give me a definitive answer to why this happened to an otherwise healthy 36 year old woman with no history of heart issues. i can only say the cause must have been stress. When I look back now though, I can't put my finger on what the stress was. Anyway, The artery behind my heart was 75% blocked so the inserted a coated stent using the vein in my groin area! OUCH!!!!! That was worse than pushing out both my children.! Ijs.....

What I know to be true is that God kept me for a reason. Without a doubt. With 100% certainty. I know I am here to this day because He and He alone still had and has use of me. My story did not end at chapter 36 1/2. Ya girl is still here and I'm thankful and glad about it. When I try and give encouragement and inspiration it comes from a genuine place. I am attempting to help someone to get through to the next day with a smile on their face. The word can be and is a very cruel and unforgiving place. I try and show you that you don't have to fall for the tricks and schemes of enemy. He tries to suck you into pity parties and complain-a-thons which yield no results. 

So, as you go about your day today know that you are thought of and you have been prayed for already. I also want the ladies to listen to your bodies. If you think there is something wrong, go get it checked out. You gotta take care of you so you are able to take care of those around you. Never forget about YOU! You are still here, He still has use of you. Don't forget that!

Know that I love ya. Mean it.