March 25, 2007 : in my Rearview

So as I was waking up this beautiful Palm Sunday morning, " Oh magnify the Lord, for He is worthy to be praised. Oh magnify the Lord, for He is worthy to be praised! Hosanna, blessed be the rock. Blessed be the rock of my salvation" was ringing in my spirit. Not JUST because today is the start of Holy week but also because I am thankful to be alive today! On this day 11 years ago I was in the emergency room hooked up to and EKG machine, experiencing tremendous pressure on my chest, given a Nitroglycerin tablet being told I was having a heart attack. It came out of nowhere. The only indications I had was SEVERE fatigue earlier in the week. Then shortness is breath and chest pressure while walking in the park and at the grocery store. That's it. They were unable to give me a definitive answer to why this happened to an otherwise healthy 36 year old woman with no history of heart issues. i can only say the cause must have been stress. When I look back now though, I can't put my finger on what the stress was. Anyway, The artery behind my heart was 75% blocked so the inserted a coated stent using the vein in my groin area! OUCH!!!!! That was worse than pushing out both my children.! Ijs.....

What I know to be true is that God kept me for a reason. Without a doubt. With 100% certainty. I know I am here to this day because He and He alone still had and has use of me. My story did not end at chapter 36 1/2. Ya girl is still here and I'm thankful and glad about it. When I try and give encouragement and inspiration it comes from a genuine place. I am attempting to help someone to get through to the next day with a smile on their face. The word can be and is a very cruel and unforgiving place. I try and show you that you don't have to fall for the tricks and schemes of enemy. He tries to suck you into pity parties and complain-a-thons which yield no results. 

So, as you go about your day today know that you are thought of and you have been prayed for already. I also want the ladies to listen to your bodies. If you think there is something wrong, go get it checked out. You gotta take care of you so you are able to take care of those around you. Never forget about YOU! You are still here, He still has use of you. Don't forget that!

Know that I love ya. Mean it. 

We Got History!

Once upon a time in the great state of Michigan on a warm sunny afternoon at a very special place called Camp Baber a girl named Tamra met a guy named GranVille Lewis Caldwell Jr. (that's how he introduced himself...full name!) They both were quickly smitten by the other. Over the course of the week long camping session between, arts and crafts, chapel, physical activities, and meals in the multi-purpose building they formed quite an attachment.  You could find her getting horse back rides back to camp from getting ice cream from Tasty Twirl.  She was especially taken by his piercing brown eyes and curly hair and cologne. Lagerfeld!!! He would say that her "Calvin Klein jeans", great smile and chocolaty skin were the draw for him!!!😏😏 At weeks end she was a ball of tears because she would miss him but addresses were exchanged with promises of letters to come.  Over the next few months and years letters were indeed exchanged with confessions of love and hopes for the future. Albeit there was a 5 year age difference nevertheless they knew they loved one another and that is all that mattered. He wooed her with the most beautiful poetry. There was even a letter containing a certain class ring........that is ANOTHER STORY for another time!!! I may let him jump on here and share that one with you guys.

Time passed and we lost contact. I was diving into my high school years and he was on to Tech school in Oklahoma, then upon graduating he moved to Minnesota. Somewhere around 1986-87(?) we lost contact for real. I was in a YPD (AME church youth group) conference some years later and ran into his mom who I overheard talking about him saying he was married. Sad, but glad to know he was doing well. Fast forward to 1995 I myself walk down the aisle, a year later welcome a babygirl.  After the dissolution of my marriage I was totally just focused on being a mom. Not worried about being in a relationship although I knew I wanted to remarry. I was working 2 jobs, going to school and going to church. Working on my relationship with Jesus. I knew the type of man I wanted to come into my life. The 3 biggest factors were, 1) he had to be saved, 2) he had to love my daughter and 3) he had to love me as Christ loved the church. Everything else could be worked out.

So here I am going about my life early part of 2002 and I come home from work and check my messages....ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE I hear this, "Hello, this is GranVille Caldwell from the Camp Baber Reunion Committee and I'm looking for Tamra Chambry. My number is blah blah blah, please return my call at your earliest convenience." So of course I listen to the message like 1000 times like, WHAT? Are you kidding me? With the biggest most genuine smile the entire time. Flash back to the beautiful poetry I used to receive several times a week back in the 80's. The conversations over the phone. Remembering that he was indeed the first man I had ever loved. Curious to find out about this reunion, but more curious to know what he had been up to.  Nervous and excited (Nervscited) I called back. I think we spoke for hours. It was like we picked up where we left off. He was himself divorced and was actually reaching out to his former female friends to find out why things didn't work out with each.  I told him that the biggest reason I thought we didn't make it was because of the age difference I was totally not ready to be or capable of being what he needed or wanted. AND, my momma was NOT having it. If you hadn't guessed, there was NO CAMP BABER REUNION COMMITTEE!!! AND, to this day I have no idea how he found my phone number!!! He won't tell me!!

Over the next couple of months of talking and emailing (there was not texting then) we decide to meet up to have lunch and see another after 20+ years.  Our meetup spot, Great Lakes Crossing. The day, Good Friday. It was something out of a movie. Really it was. We're on the phone, he's talking to me telling me where he is. I don't see him. There I am standing in a beautiful display of Easter Lilies and I turn around and there he is!!!!! OMG!!!! My heart was beating out of my chest. There was a very warm embrace and of course, he smelled like Lagerfeld!!! We spent the day watching 2 movies having lunch and dinner, sipping tea and just talking about what was next in our lives. Needless to say there was an unspoken agreement at the end of that magical day we would be a part of each others future plans to some capacity.

Fast forward to December 25, 2003 he asked me to be his wife. The answer of of course YES! Wedding planned for February 27, 2004. During Winter break of course. Time off from teaching kids.  Nothing big and elaborate. We both wore African attire. Family and close friends were there. "At Last" was the song I came down the aisle to. Could a song be more fitting?  Evening ceremony. Followed by small reception in the church basement. We both had done the big church wedding with bridesmaids and groomsmen. That was not important this time. It was entirely about he and I. Both daughters played a part. That was also important to us.  We honeymooned in Chicago. Walked the Magnificent Mile. Went to Navy Pier. Ate pizza and burgers. Visited the Botanical Garden. And just enjoyed the start to our life as husband and wife. After waiting 20 years to do so. April 11, 2004.......we welcomed THE GranVille Lewis Caldwell III into the world!

On to August of 2005, Ville leaves us behind for a new job in Charlotte. We had a lease to ride out in Fenton. We finally all were under one roof again our anniversary weekend 2006.  Talk about happy!!! It was a very stressful time for us. But we both agree that moving away from the familiar was the best thing we could have done for our marriage.  We had noone to depend on but each other. Leave and cleave!! That is exactly what we were forced to do. We had to work out whatever our issues were. Together. Without the outside voices in our ears. Just us!! And we were better for it. 

We've had our share of sickness and health as well. March 2007 I had a heart attack. Ville lost both parents within months of each other. I've lost 2 aunts, 3 uncles. We've had our share of financial crisis also. Repossessions. Income tax garnishments. Utility shut offs. You name it, we have most likely had it. However, we've been abundantly blessed as well. New car with no money down. Bought a house with no down payment. Daughters graduated from high school and college. Family vacations. Amazing extended family. Anointed church leaderships. Moving abroad. International travel. But through it all, we remained steadfast. Solid. On the foundation that we were raised on and that we nurtured while apart and eventually built on as husband and wife. There is not one doubt in my mind had we not both been grounded in the Word we would not be where we are today.  I am in no way ashamed of what we've been through in the past 14 years because the key words are, BEEN THROUGH! God is faithful and His hand has been on us the entire time. We give Him all the glory for the success of this union. I believe it was meant to be way back in 1984 and it was in His timing for it to come to pass. 

Marriage is a choice. You wake up everyday and decide that you are going to participate. That you are going to love that man/woman for the next 24 hours. And the next day it starts all over. There is not a short cut to it. You have to go through it loving that person for who they are and accepting the good with the bad. I say all the time everyday is not roses and sunshine. You gonna get some thorns and rain along the way. It's up to you how you deal with it. 

If I had any advice for newlyweds it would be, if you have a Christ centered marriage, (because a some do not) you have to give give it to Him. No if's and's or buts. Point. Blank. and the Period. You have to let Him have full control. He has to be the head and the center. You also have to let your husband lead. He is the priest of the house. Again, only if you have a Christ-centered marriage. You have to know your role as your husbands help meet. Not being a door mat to be walked on or mistreated. But be his peace. Be is calm. Encourage and appreciate him. Push his vision for your family. Let him hear you pray for him. Speak over and pray for the children. All while remembering that no matter what God has promised never to leave you nor forsake you! 

There is so much more to share, but I will leave that for another day. This is WAAAAAAY to long as it is. But I wanted to share with you all our love story. Excited and expecting God's best for the next 50 years to come!  I pray that it blesses someone and gives you some encouragement to keep on pushing if and when things get hard. The only way out is through. Together.
Know that I love ya. Mean it.

Tam💗


                              Good Friday 2002!!

Perfection? Not by a long shot!!!

What people need to know about me is that I in no way attempt to paint my marriage as perfect. Nothing about us is. Not. One. Thing. There are days that Ville get's on MY LAST NERVE, and I know there are days when he looks at me and is like, "girl if you 'ont get outta my face!" We both agreed that this time around we were in it for the long haul. Til death do we part. There is no out this go 'round. 

It didn't take me very long to realize and admit the part I played in the ending of my first marriage. I wanted the big church wedding with all my friends  as my bridal party. But I was not ready to be someone's WIFE. Not at all. If I could do it all again I would definitely not rush into it. He (I found out after we said our vows) was a believer in the idea that divorce was always an option. First option. Second and third too. Had I known that I that I think I would have stressed for a more intense premarital session. But the biggest red flag for me being that I was raised in the church and my faith being such a big part of my life, should have been the lack of interest to attend services with me and his complete non interest in anything spiritual. Looking back now, what the heck was I thinking? 

Did I think I could change him? Maybe. Did I try? Sort of. Did he EVER go to church with me? Yeah right!!!!! He didn't even attend our child's baptism. And when things got to the point where I knew it was over I asked him to go to counseling.....he replied with a simple "No. Just give me a divorce." At that exact time I was over it. I wasn't mad. Sad. But not mad. I knew that there was really nothing left for me to do. I tried to keep our family together and he was not open to that.  Later on once things were really getting real he wanted to 'date' and spend time with me and our daughter...."as a family." Naw dawg, that ship has sailed. Too little, too late. Sorry. Not sorry.

I was not a very communicative person back then. If I was mad I would get silent. Like the G in lasagna!! If I felt neglected. Silence. OH, what? Intimacy? WHAT? There definitely was none of that going on. My communication skills really sucked. Like they were nonexistent to say the least. So when I say I truly acknowledge the role I played I mean it. Nothing is one sided as far as I'm concerned.

Why am I saying all this? Basically because this is my year of Living My Truth. I have purposed in my heart this year to be more transparent and honest with what my life has been like. Because I need to let go of a lot of mess in order to go to the next level of my life, but most importantly because someone can benefit from my experiences.  

The level of love and respect I have for my husband is more than I ever imagined it could be. I will share more about our story probably on Tuesday. Which happens to be our anniversary.  He came looking for me at a time when I was not looking to be found. Let alone by the first MAN I have ever loved. Yeah see, he was 18 when we met and I was..........younger than 18!!!! 

So, no. No my marriage is not perfect and I don't try to paint it as such. But I will post about and share our love with the world. Sure will. Not tryna boast, but to show that black love in 2018 is alive and well. And if you keep God as the head and at the center of your lives, you too can have a successful union. It really isn't us. All glory belongs to God. He's got us covered!