As we approach a significant milestone in any marriage but especially ours; because we both have been married previously, I am increasingly reflective on just what exactly has kept us grounded and secure in not only ourselves but as a couple to help us reach 20 years of marriage. So, journey with me why don't ya!
There is no fear in love. Perfect love cast out all fear
1 John 4:18
Scene: July 1984, Camp Baber, Cassopolis, Michigan. This is where it all began. Years later my best friend since childhood would say, "the AME Church will hook you up every time." And I'm here to say that has been a very true statement. Let's just say you had to be there. A time where there were no mobile phones, TikTok, or anything social media related...good thing too! But also there was still a very serious reverence and respect for our surroundings and that we were there to meet new people, have fun but ultimate to gain a deeper more personal relationship with Christ. It was in this setting that I asked Jesus to be Lord and Savior of my life. I think I met the curly-haired guy on day one. Hands clasped as he introduced himself..."my name is GranVille Giovanni de la Caravaggio Lewis Caldwell Jr." Corny? Probably, but I fell for it!😁 He was then and has remained the perfect gentleman. Piggy back rides to and from Tasty Twirl for ice cream. Hand holding. Note passing. And man were there lots of tears when it was time to leave. But, there were promises to write to each other as soon as we could. And we did for a long time.
It is not lost on us that we were brought together through the AME church but in totality it was God. He had his hand in it.
One thing I have always said is in a marriage you have to choose EVERY. DAY. to show up for your spouse. There are no days off. Choose to love. Choose to be loving. Choose to be kind. Choose to put your stuff to side if your spouse is needed a lil extra. Choose each other. It requires both parties to make the conscious decision to make up in their minds that no matter what, at the end of each day I got this persons back. Period. And coming from marriages that did not work, Ville and I were both in agreement that there is no "out" this time. We're riding this out.
You gotta make sure you have the right people around you. Moving to Charlotte was one of the best decisions we made. Not only were we forced to rely and depend on one another, we were blessed to land in a church with a married couples ministry. I wasn't raised like Ville in a two parent household so it was important for me to be exposed and mentored by other couples that were tryna get it right. Love one another. Raise a family. And serve together. The Village we now have from the relationships we built over time have been a great source of influence and strength to me. Along with a few outside of church as well. We see all y'all. Thank you for your assistance in this thing. In one way or another you helped us make it to 20 years. We love you.💛
You gotta LIVE OUT YOUR VOWS. Yes, you recite them at the wedding ceremony. But ultimately they are action words. And just like I said you have to choose, you gotta walk out what you said before God and the people who were in attendance the day you said I do. In sickness and health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, etc.. if your heart is right and your intentions are pure then in my opinion to live these words is made easier. Don't get me wrong. I am in no way saying it is easy, but it's possible if you mean it when you said it. Some days you aren't going to like each other. You will get on each others nerves for sure. But if you think back and remember why, you can pick up the socks for the 1,654th time and keep it movin..
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How can two walk unless they agree.
Amos 3:3
We moved to North Carolina after only being married just shy of our 2 yr anniversary, BEST DECISION EVER! We were forced to do marriage on our terms. Without the outside distractions and opinions of family, friends and nay-sayers who meant us no good. There we formed a close nit circle who held us accountable and loved on us. But mostly it was just us. I couldn't run and he couldn't hide. We were building a foundation on God first, each other, our children, our extended family. We took that "leave and cleave" literally and figuratively. We hardly fought but we did/do have disagreements. We were both committed to our roles and allowing each other the grace to be the husband and the wife. No one on the outside could come back to the other and say something the other said about the other because we didn't play that. We handled our business between us. NO OUTSIDERS!
When I found out I was pregnant, I also found out my program at my job was ending. Ville proposed that I become a "domestic goddess." Giving me the opportunity to not only be able to breast feed G3 full time but to also be available to attend and get Mekai to and from all extra-curricular activities. However, It would definitely be a SACRIFICE he was willing to shoulder being the only income to a family of 4 on a teachers salary. We were met with many eye-brow raises, questions and some verbal speculation for many years. Did we struggle at times? Yes. But we held onto each other and we prayed a whole lot. And we made it. We made the decisions that best fit OUR FAMILY. People don't know the half. That's a story for another blog post though.
Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin Zechariah 4:10
From our official first date, to our wedding, to anniversaries 17 and 18 pictured above, I can honestly say that we've put in the work necessary to be steppin into year 20 with our heads held high and our hearts and minds clear. Neither of us could have thought in a million years we'd be where we are today. Living apart. In two different parts of the world. Trying to support an ill parent and a son deciding on his next steps. As well as keep our flame burning. We thought we'd be living our best expat lives traveling the world as empty-nesters tryna figure out what country we will retire to. But, it goes back to SACRIFICE and the art of the PIVOT. Life comes at you fast! We never say never because we know at the end of the day God has the final say. We can plan all we want but it is His ultimate will that prevails and that is always what's best. Like Ville always says, "He always gives us better than what we had. He only adds on."
And that is the absolute truth.
So, Happy 20th Anniversary to the guy who woo'ed me back at Camp Baber in 1984.
Sent me letters every week or so for years.
Waltzed back into my life in 2002.
Made me his bride and gave me a son in 2004.
Moved me outta the state of Michigan in 2006.
Moved me outta the country in 2016.
Taken me to Dubai, Oman, Sri Lanka, Barcelona, Vatican City, Rome, Capetown, Johannesburg, Casablanca, Marrakesh....and who knows where else we'll go.
You are the absolute love of my life. I am thankful to get to make room for, share space with, and dwell on earth with you as your wife. I am so blessed to be your wife. You take such good care of me. You love me the way I need to be loved. You hear me. You give me room to be who God created me to be. Thanks for looking for me after 20 years. Thanks for leaving that voice-mail. Thanks for asking me to be your wife. This year also marks 40 years of knowing you! Talk about a milestone year for us! Sheesh. Here's to more life, more love, more of God's best for you and I as husband and wife. There is no place I'd rather be. The best is yet to come!
I Love You,
Elise
💛
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