Perfection? Not by a long shot!!!

What people need to know about me is that I in no way attempt to paint my marriage as perfect. Nothing about us is. Not. One. Thing. There are days that Ville get's on MY LAST NERVE, and I know there are days when he looks at me and is like, "girl if you 'ont get outta my face!" We both agreed that this time around we were in it for the long haul. Til death do we part. There is no out this go 'round. 

It didn't take me very long to realize and admit the part I played in the ending of my first marriage. I wanted the big church wedding with all my friends  as my bridal party. But I was not ready to be someone's WIFE. Not at all. If I could do it all again I would definitely not rush into it. He (I found out after we said our vows) was a believer in the idea that divorce was always an option. First option. Second and third too. Had I known that I that I think I would have stressed for a more intense premarital session. But the biggest red flag for me being that I was raised in the church and my faith being such a big part of my life, should have been the lack of interest to attend services with me and his complete non interest in anything spiritual. Looking back now, what the heck was I thinking? 

Did I think I could change him? Maybe. Did I try? Sort of. Did he EVER go to church with me? Yeah right!!!!! He didn't even attend our child's baptism. And when things got to the point where I knew it was over I asked him to go to counseling.....he replied with a simple "No. Just give me a divorce." At that exact time I was over it. I wasn't mad. Sad. But not mad. I knew that there was really nothing left for me to do. I tried to keep our family together and he was not open to that.  Later on once things were really getting real he wanted to 'date' and spend time with me and our daughter...."as a family." Naw dawg, that ship has sailed. Too little, too late. Sorry. Not sorry.

I was not a very communicative person back then. If I was mad I would get silent. Like the G in lasagna!! If I felt neglected. Silence. OH, what? Intimacy? WHAT? There definitely was none of that going on. My communication skills really sucked. Like they were nonexistent to say the least. So when I say I truly acknowledge the role I played I mean it. Nothing is one sided as far as I'm concerned.

Why am I saying all this? Basically because this is my year of Living My Truth. I have purposed in my heart this year to be more transparent and honest with what my life has been like. Because I need to let go of a lot of mess in order to go to the next level of my life, but most importantly because someone can benefit from my experiences.  

The level of love and respect I have for my husband is more than I ever imagined it could be. I will share more about our story probably on Tuesday. Which happens to be our anniversary.  He came looking for me at a time when I was not looking to be found. Let alone by the first MAN I have ever loved. Yeah see, he was 18 when we met and I was..........younger than 18!!!! 

So, no. No my marriage is not perfect and I don't try to paint it as such. But I will post about and share our love with the world. Sure will. Not tryna boast, but to show that black love in 2018 is alive and well. And if you keep God as the head and at the center of your lives, you too can have a successful union. It really isn't us. All glory belongs to God. He's got us covered!